Okay so the title is a little dramatic, but I thought since I have been back to work an extended amount of time now, I can give an honest feed back of how it's going.
In the spirit if honesty, I am having a hard time transitioning. It's hard to explain. I love working. Really always have. I am a very type A, over active over achiever type. I don't do well with being bored (it tends to make me grumpy and poor!), so I need to feel productive and needed and accomplished and successful. I know these are all probably deep flaws of mine. But that is the truth.
So being at work has given me a purpose (not that being a mommy hasn't done that!), something to step out of the house for. But at the same time my heart is somewhere else. I just dream about my little guy all day! I have this constant ache that I am missing out on very important moments. That he won't know or doesn't care that his mommy isn't there!!!! And then it turns into this nightmare of not being able to be the mom to him that I want to be and am called to be. I want to be a classroom mom, making fun treats and going to class parties. Not being able to go to all of his games, recitals, tournaments (whatever he decides to do).
I am not sure if my inner self will ever allow me to not work some, but right now I could really use some extra time home with my hubby and baby. We have been overwhelmingly blessed with family helping watch Luke so we don't have to use daycare. But my heart just breaks dropping him off. I get jealous of the moments that they share with him. And struggle with knowing that I am still the mom, I still know him best, no one can take my place!
But I do have to step back and remember that I was called to do this job as well as be Luke's mom. So I am blessed to have a job! I am also blessed to have my boss. This week, I got the courage to ask if I could have some days off here and there to spend at home to help with my transition. And she said YES!!!
With just the knowledge that I can have a week day off if I am having a poor pitiful me moment has lifted my spirits tons!
Now for some pictures of my Stinker!